Why do we compare ourselves to other people?

Researcher: Zanna Desai

Designer: Kelly Liu

Many studies such as the national institute of health have demonstrated that when individuals compare themselves to those who are (or seem to be) better off, they feel worse about their own situations. (Those who are in a better financial state etc.) As a result of this, therapists frequently work to motivate individuals to cease self-comparisons. 

Due to the enormity of the world, there will always be someone who excels in some area compared to you. It is preferable to abandon comparisons entirely than to feel inferior. Our comparisons to others are often inherently unjust, as we typically measure our flawed interior against their seemingly flawless exterior. We assume that others are happier or more confident than they are, because we can’t see all of those private insecurities that we are so familiar with in ourselves.

Social comparison: 

Social comparison is a common behavioral strategy in which we compare ourselves to other individuals in order to better grasp our standing in terms of skill, opinion, emotional reaction, and other factors.

Social comparison can be beneficial since it allows us to judge whether we are 'on track,' but it can also be incredibly detrimental, resulting in negative ideas and behaviors.

Instead of the expected consequence of assessing our abilities and ideas against a realistic, achievable benchmark (or role model), social comparisons can have the opposite effect, causing us to compare our behavior to an unreasonable benchmark and thus develop negative self-esteem.

History of social comparison: 

Festinger (1954) was the first to label and thoroughly develop the idea of social comparison; he proposed that we cannot accurately self-assess our abilities and opinions, so we depend on comparisons with others to shape our evaluations.

Evaluations made via comparison with others are called social comparisons. Festinger posited that we are motivated to evaluate our abilities and opinions in order to:

Ascertain if our abilities are sufficient or our opinions are right

Establish a standard for our goals This standard is known as the level of aspiration.

Reality of comparison:

For some people, comparison might be a driving force for their motivation but inherently, any motivation that emerges from negative means will not sustain. 

Comparison can often be toxic, it carries the crushing weight of our psychological and emotional lives. Prior to the internet, it appeared that there were far fewer individuals to compare ourselves to, as there were indeed fewer in our immediate surroundings and within our line of sight.

However, when numerous individuals can easily be found online, appear to be well-known, powerful, and attractive, our tendency to compare makes it hard not to let this affect our perception of ourselves. 

Unfortunately, these stark contrasts typically lead us to feel unworthy and inferior. Even when we compare ourselves to those who are less fortunate, this typically only offers a short-term remedy for feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

Our emotional lives are also eroded by these toxic comparisons. Experiencing feelings of inadequacy gives growth to a range of negative and maladaptive emotions that hinder the experience of joy and satisfaction. We experience jealousy and envy towards what others possess that we do not. We feel frustrated and helpless because we cannot have what they have.

How to stop comparing yourself to others: 

It’s one thing to realize that you compare yourself to others. It’s another thing to recognize that social comparison is often corrosive to you in so many ways psychologically and emotionally. It’s an entirely other thing to stop yourself from comparing yourself to others.

Yet it is possible, and it is worth the effort for your mental health and well-being. Here are some steps you can take to reduce the amount of comparing you do to others.

1. Accept that social comparison is a normal part of being human (but that doesn’t mean you should keep doing it).

2. Recognize when you are comparing. 

3. Acknowledge why you are comparing (you may feel threatened by some aspect of another person, for example, accomplishments, relationships, intelligence, appearance).

4. Understand how comparing makes you feel.

5. Acknowledge that continuing to compare will only hurt you.

6. Ask yourself whether you have high or low self-esteem and perceived control to better understand how social comparison affects you.

7. Realize that we tend to compare our lesser qualities with others’ best qualities (not apples to apples), so you put yourself in a no-win situation.

8. Put your comparisons in context, meaning put those lesser perceptions you have of yourself and those more admirable perceptions of others into a broader picture of who you and they really are in toto.

9. Recognize that you only see the outside of a person and have little knowledge of who they are inside (they may appear happy on the outside but may be miserable on the inside).

10. Accept your humanity (we are all imperfect beings, who still deserve love, respect, and appreciation).

11. Focus on your strengths. 

12. Focus on your goals and how to achieve them (remind yourself who you want to be).

13. Limit social media usage (it tends to make comparison less frequent).

Conclusion:

Comparing ourselves to others is common but often leads to feelings of inferiority. While some competition can motivate you, constant comparison with other people can harm your self esteem and your morale. Embrace your uniqueness, focus on personal growth, and avoid the pitfalls of endless comparison. Celebrate your journey authentically.